


Catharsis

by rhapshie



Series: Everlasting Memory [4]
Category: Hikaru no Go
Genre: Break Up, Drunken sex, Dysfunctional Relationships, Friends With Benefits, Illustration included, M/M, Suicidal Thoughts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-09
Updated: 2018-06-11
Packaged: 2019-05-04 07:29:51
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 13,924
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14588064
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rhapshie/pseuds/rhapshie
Summary: They know that their relationship is only held together by their shared grief, so flimsy and fragile that it might just crumble before them. However, this story is one that only they understand, and sinking themselves deeper into a world where they can forget about everything is the only way they know how to heal. They are each other's rock, each other's medicine, each other's means of catharsis.





	1. Chapter 1

Flesh on flesh, a hand scraping teasingly against skin, slowly inching closer but never touching. Lips crashed, so sloppy and rough one would mistake it as desperation instead of passion. Moans and groans, they wanted, they gave but they didn't feel; they  _experienced_. They drowned in each other without a care in the world. They lust, they love, as if the sky was about to fall down on their heads that night.

"Seiji..." Sai cried out, pleading with his eyes glimmering with tears and pale skin flushed. His long purple hair was messy and dark against the white bedsheet. He was overtaken by pleasure, he looked ruined and so, so  _beautiful_.

Ogata ran his fingers along Sai's slim waist and he  _almost_  could feel the warmth radiating from the flawless, unblemished skin. Just for tonight, he decided to argue against his better judgement and continued to fantasise about feeling anything other than the absence of sensation. Tonight, he wanted to forget what separated him from Sai and why they would never be able to be together.

The kisses peppered all over Sai's body that was followed by a lingering one on his lips made his body shamelessly arch in want. The gods sure were cruel, to dangle a fish in front of him but only allowing him one small bite. It wasn't enough to satisfy his craving, his hunger and his desire. He wanted  _more_.

Despite already having given in to lust numerous times before, Ogata found himself hesitating. Sai was beautiful, celestial. He felt as if every trail he left, every mark and every touch on the smooth skin of his would leave an unerasable stain that would taint him forever. It was as if he was running his mud-covered fingers along a finished painting that was drawn with love and care by the gods themselves.

"Seiji..." Sai whimpered once more, his voice was soft and shaky, fuelled with yearning. It was soon replaced with wanton gasps as Ogata entered. Sai rounded his thin arms around Ogata's neck as his toes curled, feet bending to an almost impossible angle. They moved in rhythm, body rocking desperately against each other. Sai had long surrendered himself to his desire and Ogata dared himself to finally take a bite of the forbidden fruit.

When they finished, Ogata had never felt so sinful.

 

* * *

 

A hand was slammed on Ogata's back, throwing him off guard but effectively snapping him back to reality.

"You're spacing out." Hikaru said with the signature loud voice of his. He had his arms crossed but eyes soon focused back on the TV and the Go-ban laid out in front of them.

"You didn't have to hit me." Ogata rolled his eyes but moved to place a few stones on the board anyway. His mind was anywhere but on the game currently showing on the TV and he felt absolutely terrible for remembering the event that happened a few months ago. It had been quite some time since Sai disappeared yet he was unable to properly move on. The mark he left was far too deep for him to brush off. At least now he understood how Hikaru must have felt when Sai left him.

Hikaru took a bite of the slice of meat lover pizza on his plate and glanced at Ogata, still deep in thought. Exhaling loudly, he spoke through his bites. "I'll have it if you're not gonna eat it."

"Pig." Ogata scoffed but pushed his plate towards Hikaru. "With that diet of yours, I'm not sure how you managed to stay slim."

"And remind me," The boy's grin was ear-to-ear as he lifted up the black shirt he was wearing, revealing toned abs. "Whose body is better, again?" Ogata only rolled his eyes in response as he buried himself into the sofa, this time opting to stare at the ceiling, making Hikaru frown. "You've been acting weird."

"Not particularly." He mumbled, dragging on his words idly as an evidence that only half of his consciousness was present in that room.

"You're a terrible liar," Hikaru clicked his tongue and was about to take a bite of the pizza when Ogata's hand cupped his shoulder and dragged his body closer to his. It took Hikaru a few seconds to settle into the embrace, but when he did, he lifted both of his feet off the ground and crossed them on the sofa. "Don't blame me if I drop sauce all over your clothes."

"Sure."

"You really are being weird." Stealing glances, Hikaru mumbled between his munches, wondering what exactly had taken the stoic and cool Ogata into a state of daydream. The last time he brooded like that was when Sai disappeared just a six months ago and although Ogata had seemingly recovered for a few weeks, it seemed like he once again found himself in a hole. If Ogata was anything like he was those months ago, he would be inconsolable.

Hikaru sighed and pressed his head against the man's chest. "Do you miss him?"

Ogata's shoulders jolted slightly in response and it took him a few moments to phrase a retort that died in his throat. He missed Sai, that much was correct, but the one thing that Hikaru failed to understand was the fact that Ogata missed Sai not in the way that Hikaru missed Sai. It was not as innocent as that and he could only imagine how his partner would react to that. He knew full well that Hikaru had always been protective of Sai even if he was unable to see him for those short years and now that Ogata started sleeping with Hikaru, well, that only complicated matter further.

In the beginning, he fancied Hikaru for his bright attitude and passion for Go, only made even more irresistible by his youthfulness and recklessness. However, as days went on and as he spent more and more time alongside Sai, his heart shifted. Perhaps it was the loneliness in him that attracted him to such a vibrant man—ghost, and it was the masochistic side of him that cracked his restraint to finally lay with Sai. A spirit that did not belong to this world.

Sometimes he wondered why he entered a casual sex arrangement with Hikaru and why the boy agreed to it.

Ogata sighed.

Perhaps it was because both of them were in the same boat. Sai's disappearance left such huge, gnashing wounds on their chests, something that Ogata and Hikaru would never recover from had they been alone in their suffering. Perhaps mutual grief was the basis of their relationship. And maybe it was okay.

Turning his head to face Hikaru who blinked back at him, Ogata leaned in to capture the boy's lips in a kiss and chuckled when he tasted pepperoni and barbeque chicken. He slid down slightly, this time nibbling on his jaw and down to his neck where his Adam's apple bobbed as he swallowed.

Lower, lower, lower.

Hikaru gasped. Then he moaned.

His shoulders sagged as he clenched his fingers on the fabric of Ogata's cotton shirt, feeling warmth enveloping him all at once, and all too suddenly. With Ogata around him, all he could manage were whimpers and incomplete words. Cries of pleasure rang inside the otherwise quiet room and Ogata felt Hikaru fisting his shirt and nails digging into his flesh when Hikaru hit the back of Ogata's mouth.

The lewd moans were like music to Ogata's ears, pushing him to take more and more of the boy's length, relentlessly moving until he felt warm liquid spilling, coating his tongue with its bitter-sour taste.

As Ogata glanced at Hikaru through the rims of his glasses to see the boy's cheeks completely flushed, his mouth hung open, he swallowed and licked his lips. The first sentence that came out of Hikaru's mouth spoke volume of the degree of informality that was their relationship.

"Alright, you have pizza sauce all over your clothes now. Your damn fault." Hikaru laughed, putting his pants back on before leaning in to grab another slice.

"I sucked you off and this is how you say thanks?" Ogata feigned a pained tone but couldn't help being a little amused by how childish the professional was. Well, he wasn't expecting that turning 18 would mature him up anyway. Taking a stand, the bespectacled male unbuttoned his shirt as he walked towards the bathroom. "I'm going to have a bath."

Hikaru idly hummed in response, having quickly recovered from a state of bliss to once again cross his legs and focused on the TV all while munching away. When Hikaru heard the muffled stream of water, he stole a glance to where Ogata had disappeared to. The man didn't answer his earlier question regarding Sai, and he found himself wondering just how close the two was. Although he doubted that they would be as close as Hikaru and Sai had been, the boy knew that it was just his ego speaking. The fact that he was the one who was the first one to find Sai had no impact on the strength of the relationship.

Ogata was emotionally cold and distant that sometimes Hikaru wondered if the man ever felt any semblance of longing at all. Those years where Sai had been with him, that facade of his melted. It wasn't only him, everyone else expressed wonder at the man's apparent change of heart. He was a lot more expressive and less easy to anger to the point where he would just shrug off Kuwabara's snarky comments.

But now it almost seemed like all of that change was for naught. If anything, he was even more distant than before. Or perhaps it was because, in those two years, Hikaru had started to really love Ogata's company and now that he closed his heart once more, it was a lot harder for Hikaru to come to terms with it.

Well, it wasn't like Hikaru was in love with Ogata. Both of them knew that their arrangement was nothing more than a coping mechanism; one that would fade away as soon as they recovered.

Sai's disappearance the second time didn't scar Hikaru as much as the first one did. Perhaps it was because he had anticipated it and braced himself. It was harsh, of course, when he visited Ogata that morning only to see a dejected look on his face as he told Hikaru that Sai's was gone. They knew it was coming. Sai warned them about it and this time, Hikaru didn't ignore him. However, there was a glimmer of hope in his heart that it was just a false alarm and that Sai would stay forever, even if it was as Ogata's ghost and not his. That would be a better outcome than, well, this.

He really should stop hoping.

Hikaru sighed as he turned off the TV, unable to concentrate on the match any longer. He already missed a large chunk of the middle game and he wasn't in the headspace to start reconstructing the board. So, he walked into the bedroom and threw himself to the bed. He rolled onto his stomach and took a deep breath, inhaling Ogata's scent in the process. Not long after he stayed still, Ogata walked into the room, quietly closing the door behind him. There was a dip in the bed as he tucked himself under the blanket.

That didn't make Hikaru budge. His cheek was still buried in the pillow, facing away from Ogata.

"Who won?" The man queried, placing his glasses on the bedside table.

"Didn't stay long enough to find out." Mumbled Hikaru as he felt Ogata's eyes on him. After a few seconds of silence only accompanied by their breaths, Hikaru rolled over into Ogata's chest. He was warm and his heartbeat so steady, Hikaru felt himself being pulled into the embrace of his dreams.

Ogata glanced at Hikaru. His eyes were closed as the boy quickly eased into the night and the older male couldn't help feeling a little jealous of his ability to immediately sleep. If he could do the same then perhaps he wouldn't be thinking of Sai every moment he lied awake in bed, all alone. It felt absolutely wrong to use Hikaru as a tool to relieve himself of the affection that he knew full well was unwise. And despite the sense of foreboding looming over him, he still fell hard.

He wasn't sure what Hikaru's feelings for him were, but god, he hoped that the boy wasn't expecting more than Ogata could give. He wasn't ready to fall for another.

"Do you think Sai moved on to someone else?" Hikaru sleepily asked, so out of the blue that it took Ogata a while to process the question and even longer to think of an answer.

"I doubt it," Ogata chuckled. "If he's haunting someone else, that poor sod will be here already even if they live on the other side of the globe."

Hikaru laughed along with him although it still sounded half-awake. The shaking of his body made Ogata smile as he placed a hand on the boy's shoulder and pulled him closer.

"You miss him," Hikaru said after a long silence. "Don't you?"

Sighing, Ogata finally retorted. "Both of us do."

There was a momentary pause before the boy nodded. "Yeah." He whispered softly, this time looking up at Ogata who immediately crashed their lips together, pulling Hikaru towards him as he did so.

The younger male responded with an equal amount of fervour, tilting his face on an angle in order to push himself even deeper into the passion. One of Ogata's large and calloused hands cupped him on the cheek and the other on his spine, encouraging him to climb on top. A request that Hikaru happily complied with.

Both men drowned in each other, surrendering themselves to worldly pleasure, the only way they knew how to relieve themselves of their mutual grieving from the loss of Sai. Perhaps they would regret this in the future, but that didn't matter. For now, they wanted to forget. If what it took was each other, then they would gladly take the plunge again and again until everything was merely a background noise.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The final story in this series. I've been far too distracted to do anything with it and it's been in the backburner until today! Hope you enjoy :)
> 
> This is a messy relationship that Ogata and Hikaru got themselves into.  
> I will be revealing Ogata and Sai's past relationship little by little. The end pairing will still be Ogata/Hikaru.
> 
> Haha, did you guys notice that as the series moves along, the less cheerful it becomes? :P  
> The first one was all fun and games, the second one was FWB themed, the third one had fights and this one... well, this dysfunctional relationship.


	2. Chapter 2

"What was life like back then?" Ogata hummed as he played with Sai's silky strands sprawled on the bed, stroking them gently and making the spirit sigh in contentment.

"The short version is that it was very, very different." The spirit rolled over just to be welcomed into Ogata's naked chest, something that Sai certainly wasn't complaining about. If there was ever a rare moment when he would rather feel the warmth of others over that of Go stones, this was one of them.

Ogata chuckled lightly at the succinct answer before moving to round one of his arms around Sai and pulled him closer. "And the long version?"

"I can go for hours about that. It'll just give you a headache." The other male giggled, a voice that never failed to make Ogata's heart aflutter as if he was merely fifteen years old alone with his crush.

"I've got all night." Ogata shrugged and pulled away slightly, just enough so he could look into Sai's deep amethyst eyes. He still could scarcely believe that the man he had been chasing after for so long was a spirit, a beautiful one at that. 

"Oh, but I'd rather talk about you, Seiji." Sai smiled shyly, feeling blood swirling in his cheeks as he struggled to maintain eye contact.

"Me?" Ogata laughed. "Beer, fish and Go. There. You now know everything there is to know about me."

Sai's giggles drew the Judan closer to him. He immediately landed a chaste kiss on the spirit's lips, the lack of warmth was forgotten as Sai felt a tongue entering his mouth. They tangled themselves in each other before Sai finally exhale and pushed Ogata away softly, a troubled look surfacing on his fair complexion.

"What's wrong?" Concerned, the man queried while letting himself be put on a distance. "Still thinking that this isn't a wise idea?" He smirked, rolling Sai's hair around his fingers and twirling them.

Sai curled his lips as he tried to find the correct words to express his thoughts. Although he was the one currently wrapped in Ogata's embrace, he knew that he wasn't the only person that the man fancied. There was Hikaru, his student who had grown to be extremely close to Ogata as of late.

Renowned for understanding the slightest shift in expression, Ogata sighed. "It's about Shindou, isn't it?"

"I don't want to take that away from you, Seiji." Sai whispered.

"He sees me as a father figure," Ogata propped himself up using his elbow while Sai turned away from him. "Regardless of my feelings for him, there is no hope for us," The blond ghosted his fingers over Sai's arm, making him reflexively curl in contentment before he leaned in to press his lips against the curve of Sai's neck. "And he's 16, Sai. He's not about to go out with someone almost twice his age."

"But," Sai's breath hitched in his throat and a moan involuntarily escaped when Ogata sucked on his skin. "I won't be here forever. You know that."

Ogata chuckled as he closed the distance, pressing his chest against Sai's back and took him in his embrace. "We'll deal with it when the time comes." 

 

* * *

 

"Seiji."

All hopes that Hikaru wouldn't notice him shattered as the boy addressed him by his first name, something that certainly didn't happen very often. Ogata stopped in his track with a loud sigh although he wanted nothing more than to leave. It had been an exhausting day for him, leading to a surfacing urge to smoke and drink, a thought that would drive Sai to smack him on the back of his head.

"Shindou," Ogata muttered half-heartedly as he resumed walking, his conversational partner trailing after him and eventually catching up to him. "You shouldn't hang around me in public, let alone use my first name. Let's just keep that in bed."

"Will you stop walking?" Hikaru violently grabbed Ogata's arm and pulled the man towards him. His feet were firmly anchored to the ground so that he wouldn't lose his balance and be dragged forward instead.

The older male stopped walking but not without rolling his eyes. "Make it quick."

"Are you okay?" Hikaru murmured as he let go of Ogata and stuffed his hand into his pocket. "If it gets too much, I don't mind if you tell everyone that we're dating." He said in resignation, knowing full well the dirty looks that Ogata harboured as a result of the rumour that he had been taking Hikaru home a little too often. Of course, Hikaru didn't want everything to come down to it, but he felt a little bad that the Judan got the brunt of it while all he got was looks of pity.

"Oh, please," The blond scoffed. "I'm not a porcelain doll. I don't give a rat's ass what people say behind my back."

Hikaru scowled at the reaction he received. "You don't have to sound so damn condescending. I was just trying to be nice."

"You don't have to pretend to be my friend, Shindou." Ogata retorted with an expression as flat as his tone. "At the end of the day, we're just using each other to get over Sai. Once it's all done and dusted, it'll be as if we never spend a second together."

Hikaru let out a sharp exhale before he shook his head and glared at the bespectacled male. "You're a fucking asshole and I hope you die."

"As if what I'm saying isn't the truth for you." Ogata jeered, surprising himself at how much of a dick he was being. Until a few months ago, he considered Hikaru as his only friend but now that Sai was gone, it was as if the glue that held them together faded away.

A few seconds passed and the death glare that the boy gave him was unrelenting, forcing Ogata to crack his coldness and he sighed. "Look, Shindou," He started. "Don't approach me in public anymore."

If he didn't know Ogata any better, he would've considered that extremely offensive. However, after a couple of years of getting to know him, Hikaru could confidently say that Ogata had a knack for being a massive bastard when he was trying to do someone a favour. This was one of those moments. "Now you're worried about me? The one they're antagonising is you, idiot." Hikaru sneered, remembering how they already dubbed Ogata as a homosexual who was only interested in young boys and that Hikaru was being blackmailed into submitting.

"Then you better scram before they turn to you too." Ogata pushed his glasses up the bridge of his nose. "We can fuck but I don't want to ruin your reputation." When Hikaru said nothing and only scratched the back of his head, Ogata placed a hand on his hips and turned around. "I'm getting Chinese tonight. See you, brat."

"I want black pepper beef and chicken soup!" Hikaru yelled out as Ogata walked away, a hand in the air as a gesture of acknowledgement.

When he turned the corner, Hikaru shook his head and pursed his lips. Just when exactly did they go from being two friends into fuck-buddies who constantly bickered? Sure, their friendship had been a little rough around the edges too back then since Ogata had always loved picking on him and it remained that way even after Sai left and even throughout those few months after they started sleeping together.

He wasn't sure what exactly pushed him to lay with someone much older than he was. Was it merely a teenage curiosity? The desire to experiment and explore his sexuality? It was common for someone his age and certainly that Hikaru hadn't failed to take into consideration. There were a few tell-tale hints that encouraged him to take the leap. The lingering gaze, the small smirks, the low voice. However, this was Ogata. The man had a reputation for being awfully unpredictable, hence why Hikaru decided that it was best to be under the influence of alcohol when he made the first move.

He expected Ogata to brush him off, perhaps have a good laugh or two. However, when he started to push his body against his, Ogata only sighed and dragged him to one of the toilet stalls.

Really, Hikaru didn't want to think about it anymore. This whole mess was starting to overwhelm him. Tried as he might, he couldn't make out just how close Ogata and Sai had been, and why exactly Ogata's mood fluctuated so much lately.

"Shindou?"

The boy's shoulders jolted slightly when he heard the familiar soft voice from behind him. Hikaru turned around and gave his friend a tentative smile, hoping that he didn't overhear any of the conversations. "Hey, Touya." He nodded.

"What are you doing standing there?" Akira looked behind Hikaru's shoulders to find only emptiness.

"Uh... nothing." He stuttered, noticing just how abysmal of a liar he was. His friend seemed to think the same too as he raised one of his eyebrows. Hikaru found himself shifting his eyes away from Akira in an attempt to dissipate the ice but in the corner of his eyes, he caught Ogata's signature red car driving off. His gaze must have lingered a few seconds more than necessary as Akira, too, followed where Hikaru's eyes were directed at.

"Is something going on between you and Ogata-san?" He asked gently, knowing full well how close the two had been in the past couple of years.

"Nothing big, really." He lied through his teeth a little more naturally this time, but one that Akira still noticed. Frustrated at Akira's keen observing eyes, Hikaru sighed. "It's messy, okay? I don't really want to elaborate."

The male in suit nodded in acknowledgement, not wanting to pry any further seeing as how agitated Hikaru was. The rumour surrounding the two professionals hadn't completely missed Akira's ears but he knew the two better than that. There was no way that someone like Ogata would do something so low as to blackmail someone to submit. And Akira was Hikaru's rival, one of the people who understood him best which ensured him that his friend would never take such an abuse lying down.

Hikaru lost his practice match against Akira that day, which only served to further ruin his day. His mood was at an all-time low when he ruffled through his pocket to find the signature jingle of keys, one of them to Ogata's apartment. As soon as he closed the door behind him, he was greeted by a pair of firm hands rounding themselves around his body, followed by warmth on the curve of his neck.

Couldn't help himself but sink, Hikaru tilted his head, giving Ogata free reign of his skin as he the man sucked and nibbled on his lower neck while being careful as to the location in which he would leave his marks.

"You horny geezer." Hikaru groaned but was quickly be made quiet when Ogata smashed their lips together. It wasn't only passion and libido that Hikaru noticed. Ogata was always calm and controlled, even during sex. However, right now it was anything but those that Hikaru felt. Gone was his relaxed coolness. Right now, Hikaru could only see desperation and longing, and it was a yearning for someone that he suspected wasn't him.

Hikaru might be a little dense but he was no idiot. They were using each other to fill the hole that Sai left in their lives and this was one reality that he wasn't prepared for. Of course, he suspected this scenario too but he only laughed it off because there was no way that it would be true. Or so he thought, anyway.

Hikaru grunted, roughly clawing on the fabric of Ogata's shirt before pushing him away with such force that the man stumbled backwards. When Ogata frowned, he could see the look of betrayal in Hikaru's eyes.

"You two fucked," He snarled, unsure as to why this realisation bothered him so. Was it because he felt betrayed that Ogata and Sai, his two friends, fucked without his knowledge? Hikaru wasn't certain but he cared for nothing as he felt his eyes burn with rage and anguish. "And you didn't tell me?"

The words that came out of Hikaru's mouth were brimming with unleashed disappointment, so bitter and resentful it made Ogata flinch.

"Is this all I am to you? A replacement for Sai? Someone whom you can fuck while thinking of him?" He scoffed when Ogata said nothing but look at him with sad, sad eyes. "I thought we had mutual trust. Guess I was wrong."

"Hikaru." Ogata sighed, weakly grabbing his arm when the boy zipped past him but only for Hikaru to struggle out of his grip.

"Don't 'Hikaru' me!" He yelled out, turning to face Ogata who looked back at him with resignation as if he expected such outburst. "I don't understand you, Ogata. You never let me."

"I'm sorry." He whispered, but at that point, Hikaru was already gone.

There was an extended silence in his apartment as Ogata slowly moved to close his door, lingering just a few more seconds like he was anticipating Hikaru to come back. When reality dawned on him that the boy wasn't returning any time soon, he turned and leaned against the polished wooden door, thinking about how he brought that upon himself.

He should apologise, he thought. Perhaps a text message to explain the reason behind the need for secrecy. However, Ogata had a feeling that his words would be left unheeded, so he exhaled and made his way towards the dinner table. The black pepper beef and chicken soup grew cold beside him as he ate.


	3. Chapter 3

When Sai played Go, he would often pause to think. And although it was a natural thing for any Go player, just like breathing, Ogata started to learn what each delay in Sai's movement meant. When he pressed his fan against his lips, he was reading the board. When he tapped it against the Go-ke, he was trying to unveil his opponent's plans. When he opened his fans and covered the lower part of his face, he was waiting for his opponent to fall into his trap.

Sai expressed a lot through his body language but the one thing that Ogata always loved to see was when Sai merely sat there, unmoving, save for the few stolen glances that he gave his opponent, namely, him. Because it meant that something he did on the board had truly impressed the internet legend.

Ogata smirked when Sai did just that. It seemed that he was also unable to suppress a small chuckle as Sai lifted his head just enough to glance at him. He tilted his head to the side, wondering what was so funny.

"I did something good, didn't I?" He grinned with his arms crossed.

"Am I that obvious?" Sai giggled in response but not without a nod. "Yes. You have really impressed me lately."

"As opposed to every other day?" Ogata trailed off, obviously trying to pick on Sai who usually would fall into his trap and immediately stutter. Not this time, apparently, as the man merely curled his lips.

"Don't tease me, Seiji." He then murmured after a short moment of hesitation.

"But it's so entertaining." Ogata didn't even bother concealing his amusement upon seeing Sai's pouty expression. Even when griping, his eyes still remained focused on the board and Ogata found such undivided attention to be extremely endearing.

As a result of Ogata's chuckles, Sai scowled. They continued the game in silence, save for the occasional hums from both parties as they considered what move to make next. A peep there, a cut there, an atari here, a strengthening connection there. Everything seemed to happen at the same time. Both Ogata and Sai had a smile on their faces as they revelled in each other's Go, calmly anticipating where the other would play next. It was when Sai's hands dropped by his side that Ogata finally dared to break his focus from the board.

"Sai?" Ogata called out when he saw that his opponent was frowning at their game. It was one expression that Ogata never saw even after playing hundreds of games against him.

"That was..." Sai said, his voice soft. "That was great, Seiji," He then looked up at the bespectacled male and gave him a reluctant smile. "I think you will win that Honinbo title this time. Kuwabara-sensei will not see this coming."

"About time I kick that old fool's ass." Ogata scoffed at the mention of Kuwabara's name but chuffed at the same time at Sai's compliment, so he chuckled. However, his smirk soon faded away when he noticed that Sai's attention was no longer on the board, but at the window by his side. Although the gust of wind blew softly on Ogata's blond hair, Sai's remained unmoving, just like his entire body. His eyes twinkled under the sunset. "Sai?"

"Ah, my apologies," Sai smiled. "Let's keep playing, shall we?"

 

* * *

 

 

After two weeks without any contact, Hikaru received a text message from Ogata. As soon as he saw the name 'idiot' flashed on his screen, his heart skipped a beat.

_Meet me near the usual restaurant._ It said.

Hikaru wasn't sure how to feel about that short string of words. Should he be glad to hear from Ogata? Frustrated because it took him this long to send a message? Furious because he dared to withhold a secret regarding Sai from him? Instead of settling on one, his stomach mixed all those three feelings into one and effectively turning it into nausea. He felt as if he just received a kick in the gut as he momentarily paused his breathing to regain control over his thoughts.

Hikaru realised that he had been extremely inconsiderate those couple of weeks ago when he walked out on Ogata. It was frustrating to admit but between the two, Ogata understood Hikaru much better than Hikaru did Ogata. The fact that he had sex with Sai without Hikaru's knowledge only meant that Ogata expected an outrage. Lo and behold, he was right.

In the back of Hikaru's mind, however, he argued that he would have taken it a little better had Ogata cared enough to sit down and discuss the matter with him somewhere in the early stages of this... this mess of a relationship. But of course. He was  _Ogata_.

He barely ever did anything right when it came to an attempt to put others first. After two years of getting to know him, Hikaru should have known better.

Okay, perhaps he should be the one to apologise. Hikaru decided, swallowing thickly as he popped his phone into his pocket and gripped on the straps of his backpack nervously. He rehearsed what words he should say to Ogata after weeks of silence, one that occurred due to Hikaru's overreaction instead of being the better man and sitting down to talk it out. The outcome, if he did otherwise, would certainly be a lot less painful than this.

Pain. Hikaru wasn't sure why exactly he felt it during every waking hour he spent on less than good terms with Ogata. Was it because he unconsciously turned Ogata into a substitute for Sai after the time he spent being their means of communication? Or was it because unlike last time when he was alone in dealing with the aftermath of Sai's disappearance, this time there was someone there for him, someone who comprehended the full story and whose company Hikaru had really come to treasure?

Or could it be something else entirely?

Hikaru took a deep breath when he spotted the familiar white suit staring intently at his phone next to the mentioned meeting place. Chuckling to himself, he knew without having to be told that Ogata was looking at Touya-sensei's newest kifu from the Samsung Cup.

"Ogata." He called out with a small, guilty smile that proved to be effective at breaking the man from his trance.

"Hey." The older male answered before giving his phone screen one last glance prior to pocketing it. He pushed himself off the wall and observed Hikaru, eyes cool and completely distant.

Upon seeing such chilly demeanour, an ache developed in Hikaru's stomach. Even after a few seconds had elapsed, there was no snarky comment regarding his unsightly neon-yellow shirt or about how he should dye his bangs green now that the black root started to grow amidst the yellow.

"I'm not going to take a lot of your time," He muttered with a monotone voice as he extended his right arm and opened his palm. "My key."

"What?" Hikaru blinked in confusion before everything dawned on him and the realisation stung him. So that was why Ogata called him there. He just wanted to collect his only spare key and completely throw Hikaru to the side like an old toy that the owner had grown out of.

Was that all he was for him? Was his worth in Ogata's life that insignificant that he had no qualm about setting Hikaru aside?

Seeing the exact moment emotion seemed to be seeping out of Hikaru, Ogata found himself having an agonisingly difficult time maintaining his composure. Just like Sai, Hikaru wore his heart on his sleeves and although the boy always tried his damnedest to suppress his emotion, he always failed. It could be absolutely adorable but it could also be downright heartbreaking. This time, it was the latter.

If he had a choice, he would never let it boil down to this. It was an ending unfit for two people who went through such a development in their relationship, yet it was perfectly fitting at the same time. He might have been too blind to notice it, but Sai was the only reason why they were on friendly terms with each other, to begin with. It was only right that Sai would also be the ending to their story.

Ogata had no other option than to take the sledgehammer and smash everything himself because Hikaru wasn't about to do it. He was far too soft, far too forgiving and far too young to break his own heart. He shouldn't live while thinking that he was the reason for the shortcoming in this dysfunctional relationship of theirs. Ogata should take the fall and nab that pain away from Hikaru.

"My key." He repeated once more although his throat burned with the desire to apologise instead of walking away.

Hikaru let out an involuntary choke as he slipped one of the bag straps off and dug into one of the pockets to retrieve a single metallic object. He all but threw it towards Ogata. The key bounced against Ogata's chest and it fell to the ground with a clink as Hikaru's shoulders tensed.

"Fuck you, Ogata." His voice was strangled and his eyes glimmered with tears. It was a sight that haunted Ogata for minutes even after the boy stormed off in a fit of bitterness.

As the man picked up the key from the ground, he finally managed to let his emotion out. Ogata exhaled loudly and lowered his head, hand moving to violently rub the back of his neck before he turned around and kicked the concrete wall in frustration. If there was any slither of hope left for them to put a band-aid on their wounds, Ogata just completely tore it apart.

This was for the best. He had come to terms long ago that he was the worst partner to have and Hikaru shouldn't be fixated on him when he could go out and find others who would treat him better. This way, perhaps the rumour surrounding Hikaru would fade away with time. Well, he hoped, at least.

The ride home was the worst car ride that Ogata ever had the displeasure of tolerating. More often than not, he found himself spacing out. It was only thanks to his driver instinct that he managed to not crash and die. Honestly, his mind started to wander around a darker place at that thought

If he died, would he meet Sai?

He would surely chastise Ogata for causing Hikaru heartache. Sai had always been protective of Hikaru and a hit on the back of the head was certainly in order.

Ogata sighed. He really missed Sai and without Hikaru by his side, the pain seemed to metastasise, spreading like a wildfire inside of him. He was no longer sure who or what it was that he truly was looking for. At that point, Sai, Hikaru or whomever, he didn't care. He just wanted to escape from himself.

Ogata's eyes, throat and chest burned as he scrambled to unlock the door to his apartment. When the key dropped to the ground, he cursed loudly and he kicked the door. After he realised that the door wasn't going to unlock itself, he took a deep breath and tried again. This time, it was a much more successful attempt.

Once settled, Ogata threw his suit jacket to the couch thoughtlessly. The sofa on which he and Hikaru had one too many sexes on. It was time to purchase a new one. He scowled as he loosened his tie and walked into the bedroom. Never in a year had he ever wanted to smoke and drink so much. In order to rid himself of the thought, Ogata threw himself onto the bed. After a few restless minutes he spent staring at the ceiling, he fought against his better judgement and emerged victoriously. This led him to make his way to the fridge and grabbed what little cans of beer he had left.

Fuck Hikaru. Fuck Sai.

He wanted to forget it all.

.

There were bags under Hikaru's eyes. He wasn't feeling it at all but he refused to bail on his oteai match even when he wasn't at his best. His opponent for the day could tell that too as he asked if Hikaru was all right, to which Hikaru just chuckled sluggishly but didn't say no. In the corner of his eyes, he could see Akira already focused on his upcoming match. How nice it would be to not have to worry about a stupid break-up. If you could even call it that. 

Out of habit, his eyes scanned for a familiar bespectacled blonde and sure enough, there he was. Hikaru swallowed thickly, his heart slowly clenching once more when he saw Ogata's trademark white suit facing away from him. His shoulders were slumped which indicated that unlike Hikaru, he probably had no trouble sleeping.

Hikaru lost his match that day.

That was not a surprise. What was a shock was that not long after Hikaru resigned, he could see Ogata bowing to his opponent before taking a stand, wobbling as he did so. Ogata's opponent had a worried look on his face as the Judan left without helping to clear the board.

Ogata lost his match too, Hikaru realised as he closed the Go bowl and thanked his competitor. When Ogata walked past Hikaru without sparing the boy so much as a glance, Hikaru could smell a sharp scent of cologne and alcohol. The younger male unconsciously snapped his head towards Ogata and opened his lips before quickly shutting them once more. He had no right to intrude Ogata's life anymore. 

The only relief he tasted was the fact that their separation bothered Ogata enough for him to decide to get smashed the day before a match. It was something that hadn't been done that in a solid year after he decided to put a brake on his addiction and Hikaru felt a little awful for taking joy in Ogata's decision to kickstart it again.

There  _had_ to be more to their relationship than just a mean of dealing with their grief. Otherwise, it wouldn't bother them to this extent. They would just be content with living their own lives as if they had never slept together.

Seriously. What _happened_? Where did they go wrong? The more Hikaru tried to think about it, the more it gnawed at his skin. Their break-up hadn't only affected Hikaru but Ogata as well. If it only caused them a whole world of misery, why exactly did this happen? Who benefitted from this disaster?

Hikaru closed his eyes as his fingers curled and dug into his palm. He hated this lack of closure but he no longer had anyone to turn to. Sai was gone. Ogata slipped out of his fingers. He was alone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok, next chapter is the end! :)  
> Hopefully an art ensues!


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok jokes, the next chapter is the last

Hikaru expected a quiet night full of alcohol and a hangover-infested tomorrow, most likely with Akira telling him how absolutely inane and unreasonable he was the previous night. What did he say again after Hikaru invited him out to a bar? It was something along the line of 'alcohol doesn't solve your problems'. Hikaru would agree, under normal circumstances. However, this was not one. Alcohol would most definitely solve his problems, albeit temporarily. It was a start.

Despite Akira's protest and firm belief that Hikaru shouldn't drink, he ended up tagging along for the ride, claiming that he didn't want Hikaru to die an early death. So there he was on the counter, watching Hikaru downing one shot after the other as he spilled his heart out. Akira wasn't certain he understood the situation, so he only sat there, frowning.

For once, Hikaru was glad that he was abysmal when it came to explanation. He didn't think he would be able to handle the shock that Akira would display once he found out that his rival had been fucking his senior.

"It would be so nice if I'd fallen for someone less assholish..." Hikaru mumbled, his chin resting on the counter and fingers twiddling with the empty shot glass, almost as empty as his soul. "I don't get it, Touya!" After a short moment of silence, Hikaru slammed his fists on the counter and abruptly sat straight up. "I know for a fact that what we had wasn't just a casual fling thing!"

Akira shook his head at Hikaru's outburst. He never exactly talked about his love life and to find out this way was certainly... fascinating. "I keep telling you. The start of any healthy relationship is communication."

"But Ogata's  _terrible_ at that!"

There were a few seconds of dead silence as Akira processed what his friend was talking about and for it to click in his head that the person Hikaru had been ranting about was Ogata Seiji. The rumour that Ogata fucked Hikaru turned out to be right and Akira felt his face turning beet red even though he wasn't the one drinking.

"You—Ogata-san? Y—" He stammered, unsure of how else to respond. "Ogata-san, Shindou?  _Ogata_ -san?"

Upon realising that his loud mouth spilled out the information he didn't want to leak, Hikaru slapped his hand on his mouth. "Oh my god. I said it out loud, didn't I?" He muttered, muffled by his fingers. Before Akira could say another word, Hikaru came to a stand and ran away towards the bathroom. It was a run of shame. He needed a few moments to collect his thought before facing Akira again.

As if that wasn't the only heart attack-inducing event, he felt a hand on his shoulder, followed by a soft greeting from the man he wished wasn't there to amplify his confusion.

"Never thought I'd see you here, Akira-kun." Ogata muttered. His eyes were dark and his cheeks flushed as indications that he wasn't too much more sober than Hikaru.

"O-Ogata-san..." The poor boy replied meekly as he bit his lower lips. He wanted nothing more than to text Hikaru that the man he had been bitching about for the past hour or so was now sitting on his seat.

Ogata signalled at the bartender to pour him another shot before he turned his attention to Akira once more, noting his red cheeks and he chuckled. "Having a bit of a problem, don't we?"

"I guess you can call it that..." Akira sighed, giving a discreet glance to the general direction of the toilet that Hikaru disappeared to. He prayed that Hikaru would take his time as he didn't want to get trapped between an awkward interaction between a broken up couples. However, his prayer was unanswered as Hikaru walked back up towards them with his head down and hands in his pocket. When he reached his seat, Akira could see that blood drained from his face.

"I... It wasn't me. I didn't call him." Akira quickly raised defensively at the accusing glare that he received.

Ogata turned around to see whom the boy was talking to and his eyes widened in an instant. Hikaru was there, cheeks flushed and hair an utter mess, as well as his clothes. Although it was a sight to be expected from someone who was far from sober, Ogata couldn't resist a pang of pain from surging in his chest. Looking so ruined like that, it reminded him of the moment he decided to let go of his restraint and fuck the boy in the toilet. He wished he'd never done that. Perhaps then, this wouldn't have happened.

Hikaru clicked his tongue and walked forward to take the other seat next to Akira. He looked away from Ogata and called out, "Hey, Touya," When his friend turned around, Hikaru continued. "Can you tell that idiot next to you to fuck off?"

"Uhm, Ogata-san..." Akira trailed off, unsure of what to do.

"Well, Akira-kun," Ogata growled, voice low as he downed the shot in one go. "You can tell your friend right there to lay off the booze. He's too young to drink himself into a stupor."

"I keep telling him that..." The one in the middle sighed only to be interrupted.

"Touya, ask him why he cares so much about someone he dumped."

"Akira-kun, ask him why exactly he'd get himself drunk for someone who dumped him."

"Touya, tell him that it's because I feel stupid to think that there's more to us than fuck-buddies."

"Well, Akira-kun—"

"Stop!" Akira cried out after he decided that he heard enough to deduce that this whole mess happened because both men were far too childish to realise that the problem stemmed from their inability to clearly articulate themselves. Their ego was far too prominent for this delicate relationship of theirs to work. Standing up with his jacket in hand, Akira had never looked so bothered before. "You two need a long talk."

Both Ogata and Hikaru watched their mutual friend striding off towards a table not too far away. Definitely to make sure that no blood was to be spilled that night.

Hikaru sighed after a long silence and shook his head. "How is he always right all the time?" He scowled.

"Always the voice of reason." Ogata nodded before he palmed his empty shot glass, honestly a little relieved that Hikaru didn't start their first conversation in a month with a punch across the face. It was something that would be unpleasant, but one that Ogata deserved.

"I hate you. Thought I'd let you know." Mumbled Hikaru as he rested his cheek on his hand. His boiling anger seemed to subside now that alcohol ran in his system and Akira completely making him lose all will to shout.

Ogata let out an involuntary smile at the half-hearted hate confession. "You've said that to me too many times for me to take it seriously anymore."

"I hate you." He repeated, feeling his heart clenching in an odd mix of pain and joy. Until that very moment, he didn't realise just how much he missed Ogata's voice and his chuckle. After the short two years they spent together, he came to find comfort in his cool voice, knowing that it concealed warmth that he barely ever displayed.

"You should. I was an ass."

"You really were." Hikaru scoffed, annoyed at himself for being attached. Their mutual love for Sai bloomed into something that he hadn't expected. It didn't help that Ogata was his only mean of communication with the spirit and as a result, he became more attached to Ogata like he did with Sai.

"I'm sorry for not telling you about it," Said Ogata as he ran his fingers through his hair. "I didn't know how to break the news. I know how much he means to you."

Hikaru said nothing, deciding that Ogata deserved the cold shoulder. He might have lowered his ego enough for him to apologise but it would certainly take much more than that. As expected, it didn't faze Ogata as he continued speaking a few moments after.

"You and Sai are really similar," Ogata mused as he adjusted his glasses and swallowed another shot. Next to him, Hikaru followed suit. "Always so positive, brimming with so much energy it tires me out. I don't remember being that lively when I was your age." He chuckled. "I really liked that about you."

Hikaru froze.

Ogata noticed how Hikaru clenched his fingers around the shot glass and he knew that some explanation was in order or he suspected that he would receive another bitter look of utter betrayal for keeping more secrets. "And I never told you because you were too young."

"All right, hold up," Hikaru choked out, confused. "When was this?"

"You were 16." Ogata chuckled, downing yet another shot that Hikaru started to wonder just how much he needed to drink before he started slurring his words. "I really shouldn't be saying this." He groaned. He wasn't sure how much trouble Hikaru had with this whole break-up thing but he certainly was rubbing salt on his own wound.

The first week had been especially torturous for him especially when everything in the damn house reminded him of Hikaru. His bed where Ogata remembered how Hikaru's body was always so pliant and obedient underneath him as he writhed and moaned with no care in the world. His couch where they spilled mapo tofu on Ogata's suit as they shamelessly made out just like two teenagers. His kitchen where he pretty sure they set fire on at some point before deciding to order takeaway.

Ogata felt his core glowing with passion at the memory. He wanted to once more hear Hikaru's lively laugh and to spend the entire night in front of the Go board until the sun rose. At some point in their grief-stricken relationship, he re-discovered just what exactly he loved about Hikaru and it was only now that he realised it. Their friends-with-benefits arrangement wasn't only there to help Ogata to deal with the loss of Sai. Why was he too foolish to not notice it sooner?

"Did you..." Hikaru sighed, cursing himself for not being able to swallow his surfacing feelings. He never thought that Ogata harboured any feelings for him and to find out that he did only beg for one question. "Did you decide that you like Sai better?"

"I don't know." Ogata sighed and gestured for yet another refill, this time for Hikaru's too. "On me." He grunted.

"What do you mean you don't know?" Hikaru grimaced, swigging his sixth shot of the day. His mind was now doing funny things and everything around him started to become more and more muffled by the second. It was a miracle he still managed to not make a fool of himself.

"By that I mean this is my eight shot and I've already had three pints of beer beforehand." Ogata let out a low rumble of laughter.

"How are you even alive right now?"

"I won't be in the next five minutes, so I suggest you go back to Akira and head home. I'm staying for a few more." The bespectacled male said, this time looking away from Hikaru and instead focusing his sight on the dark surface of the bartop. Ogata waited and waited but the younger man remained still. "Please leave me, Shindou. I can barely stop myself."

Instead of leaving, Hikaru found it a lot more appealing to stay and gather even more information from the drunken and loosened Ogata. He would have no other chance after this night. "Stop yourself from what?" He instigated as firmly as he could although his words came out garbled.

"God!" Ogata snarled, making Hikaru jump up in surprise. "Just fucking  _leave_. Right now."

"Or what?" The younger male leaned closer towards Ogata. He knew full well that he was playing with fire right now but he could really care less. "Or what, Seiji?"

Hearing his first name slipping effortlessly out of Hikaru's lips and into his ear, Ogata growled. It didn't take long for him to retrieve notes out of his pocket and slammed it on the table and for him to stand up and grab Hikaru by the wrist, clenching him painfully hard as he practically dragged him towards the exit.

Ogata didn't notice a very concerned Akira trailing after them and didn't see how the boy mouthed an 'oh' as soon as the bespectacled man all but threw Hikaru into his car. The younger male didn't have time to react, save for the groan when Ogata pinned him on the leather seat and crashed their lips together so hard Hikaru tasted blood. It was soon mixed with saliva as Ogata entered Hikaru's mouth and wrestled their tongues together.

Hikaru wasn't sure what the fuck was going on but all he cared about at that point was how Ogata's familiar weight pressed against him, only pulling back to slam the car door shut. Unable to stop himself, the younger male let out a low growl as he pulled Ogata forward by the tie, something that was rewarded by his clever fingers slipping underneath Hikaru's shirt and pushing it up to clench his nipples.

Ogata ground their cocks, still covered by pants, against each other before he grabbed both of Hikaru's hands and slammed them over his head. He moved worked on his pants with his other hand, cursing when his dexterity failed him. After a few seemingly long moments, he pushed his pants and underwear together in one motion, just enough to let his cock to spring out of its confinement.

Unconsciously, Hikaru's tongue darted across his lips when he saw that Ogata moved forward, now hovering just above his chest. Without any delay, he shoved himself into Hikaru's mouth in one swift motion and although Hikaru anticipated it, he still gagged. With both of his hands restrained, Ogata's other hand had free reign. He pulled on Hikaru's hair, jerking him back and forth, fucking his mouth with reckless abandon.

"You know," He grunted upon hitting the back of Hikaru's throat. "I wanted you so bad. It was wrong. You were so young," Ogata let out a low growl.

Hikaru made a guttural noise that vibrated his throat, in turn making Ogata throb.

"I should've just waited for a few more years," He said, hand still forcing Hikaru's head to swallow even more of his cock. "Then maybe I wouldn't have to hurt you like this."

Ogata's head started to spin, enough for him to momentarily lose his balance. Hikaru took that moment to force Ogata's cock out of his mouth. So he was right. There really was something more in their relationship than meet the eye. "Do you still want me?"

The older male said something that remotely sounded like 'I don't know' before he pulled Hikaru towards him once more. "But I missed you." He muttered, almost way too softly and gently it made Hikaru tremble. After a few short thrusts, Ogata let himself out of Hikaru to take the small travel-sized lube out of the glove compartment.

Helping the man underneath him out of his pants, Ogata rubbed a generous amount of lube on his puckered hole and worked to loosen him before he positioned himself against the entrance. When he entered, both men allowed a small moan to slip. Hikaru's head was between Ogata's hands and the man leaned forward as he pressed deeper.

"I asked myself," He muttered, voice low and soft. "If I die, will I meet him again?" Ogata lowered himself, now resting on his elbows and Hikaru could smell the alcohol from his heavy panting. His hips now moved sharply. Withdrawing only to slam himself so deep, Hikaru would have moved had not been held still. "I've never let anyone so close before. I--he was so precious to me."

Hikaru moaned and quivered when the tip of Ogata's cock hit his prostate over and over.

"Do you think I can meet him again, Hikaru?" The bespectacled male murmured, his voice adorned with an edge as he moved his hips. A few more erratic thrusts, Ogata sighed. He gave up trying to stay awake and he lied there on top of Hikaru. All of his movements ceased even though he wasn't finished.

"Don't be stupid." The younger male hissed at the sudden weight. Ogata's cock was still buried inside of him. "If you kill yourself, Sai will kill you again. Twice. Now, move. You're cutting off my blood flow." He forcibly pushed Ogata to the side and somehow squirmed himself from underneath the man to put his pants on. He was still hard but it would go down soon.

"Wait," Ogata murmured weakly, grabbing Hikaru's hand as he tried to take his phone out. "Stay."

"You're awfully demanding for someone who dumped me." The boy scoffed, his fingers moving across the screen to order a taxi. They would have to come back for Ogata's car tomorrow when they were sober.

"Sorry," He whispered as he moved to lay on Hikaru's lap. "You can leave tomorrow. If you want. I deserve it."

The other male said nothing except a sigh. He really ought to stay away from Ogata after what he did to him but how could he now? "Seiji," Hikaru muttered, fingers moving to stroke Ogata's hair. "Do you like me because I remind you of Sai or is it the other way around?

"I'unno..." Ogata exhaled softly. Both of his hands moved around Hikaru's back and Ogata buried his face in the boy's stomach. "I'm tired."

"You're an idiot." He murmured but failed to brush off the warmth that ran inside of him when he felt Ogata's hot breath against him. As he made sure that Ogata's pants were all zipped up Hikaru wondered if he liked Ogata as himself or because he came to associate the man with Sai.

"Yeah. Stay. Please."

"Idiot." Hikaru repeated once more, although this time a lot gentler than previously. When the taxi did arrive, he tried his best to haul Ogata towards it and threw him inside with a grunt. He was starting to lose it, thanks to the alcohol and he was glad to finally sit.

"Shindou," Ogata garbled into Hikaru's neck. One of his hands made its way onto Hikaru's and he grasped it. "I love you."

"Just shut up, idiot." Hikaru all but elbowed the drunken man next to him despite his heart skipping a little at the confession. It was a mighty good thing that he was far too intoxicated to let Ogata's, perhaps, empty words to charm him. "We need to talk tomorrow. I'll make you sleep even if I have to beat you up black and blue."

The bespectacled man muttered something that sounded a little like 'you do that' as he chuckled softly. Even in a state of almost passing out, he just absolutely had to have the last word, it seemed.

When they arrived at Ogata's apartment, Hikaru sighed. He decided to think about this whole mess tomorrow with a clear head. So, he helped himself under the blanket and into Ogata's chest where he felt at home.


	5. Chapter 5

Although it was becoming more of a common sight to see Ogata having a small smile on him as opposed to his usual frown, it was still rare for him to openly express his joy when he wasn't in a state of intoxication. Right now, the man had an ear-splitting grin as he stood there, patiently answering any questions that the Go Weekly interviewers had regarding the final game of the Honinbo title match.

After a painstaking few years of being mentally tortured by the old geezer Kuwabara, Ogata  _finally_ managed to take the Honinbo title for himself. Now, he could rest peacefully knowing that he had gotten the better of Kuwabara before he died. Terrible thing to say, yes, but Ogata could really care less.

"Everyone's wondering how I managed to completely change my style of Go in a measly two years," Ogata chuckled as he pulled Sai into his embrace. "They wouldn't believe that it's because I have Sai taking care of me." Said the new Honinbo before he leaned in to land a chaste kiss on Sai's lips. The lack of sensation was still there but Ogata could safely say that he was slowly getting used to it.

The spirit couldn't help but smile when Ogata pushed him down the sofa, his hands in Sai's hair, gently rubbing his head just the way he loved it. It was followed by a sigh of contentment when Ogata rested his head on the curve of his neck, chest heaving up and down just like Sai's, a habit that he refused to let go.

"You're great." The bespectacled male whispered as one of his hand moved to Sai's cheek and to the gap between his lips.

Sai gazed at the blond hair next to him with melancholy. Although his fingers worked to rub Ogata's spine, his mind was still at unrest. Ever since that day, Sai knew that the tick of his flame was slowly burning out. Ogata's victory today only served as a bitter and cruel reminder that he wasn't there to stay. Sai didn't belong to this world and Ogata wasn't his to claim. Was his selfishness to rob Ogata off his affection of Hikaru truly justified?

Ogata might not be able to see it, but Sai could. Hikaru had come to trust him with all of his soul, treating him as if he was Sai. It was something that was inevitable due to the nature of their relationship and whether or not it was platonic was a whole another story, one that Sai was glad he wouldn't be able to witness. If the time came that Hikaru developed any semblance of romantic or even sexual longing for Ogata, Sai feared that he wouldn't be able to handle it. He had come to love Ogata far too much to want to share him with another, and that possessiveness would be mixed with the insurmountable guilt of cheating Ogata the chance to live a normal life.

"Seiji..." Sai finally managed to mutter.

Hearing the resigned tone, Ogata turned just enough so he could face the other male. "Don't do that."

"Do what?" He blinked, confused.

"Sigh like that. It doesn't suit you." The blond chuckled as he landed a soft kiss on Sai's cheek.

Before he allowed any comfort to instil inside of him, Sai pulled away to come to a sitting position, leaving Ogata wondering what suddenly came into his spirit lover. "I... I won't be here much longer." He murmured.

Ogata wanted to laugh, he wanted to think that it was all just a massive joke. However, after years of getting to know Sai, he understood that he wasn't the type to pull a prank like that. So, he stared, his heart clenching and all of the exhilaration from winning the Honinbo title faded away in an instant.

"Okay," He nodded calmly although he was anything but that. "Why do you say that?"

"My job is finished." Sai pursed his lips to stop them from quivering. Feeling it was one thing but saying it out loud was a whole another thing. It was as if he was ready to accept his fate. He felt as if he was only getting started, getting used to life as a spirit and now it was to be taken away from him. Once was enough. He could hardly bear it the second time. "I'm sorry, Seiji."

"Hey," Ogata sighed. "Come here," When Sai did nothing, Ogata was the one to scoot over and rounded his arm around Sai's shoulders. "We both knew that it was going to happen. Don't apologise."

"But...!" Sai choked out with eyes full of tears that overflowed as he turned his head towards Ogata. What was he going to say?

The other man was quick to pull Sai into a deep hug and although he wanted nothing more than to express how he wished that time was on his side, he couldn't. The best thing he could do was to not make this any harder on Sai than it already was.

"A game?" Ogata whispered, somehow managed to hide the sorrow in his voice. They first came to know each other through a game and it was only right to end it with a game, Ogata thought.

Sai nodded weakly and they made their way to the bedroom where the board was located. He was grateful that Hikaru wasn't present that day. Ogata would never keep a secret such as this from him and to once again see Hikaru's broken expression would be too much. Sai wouldn't be able to handle that. And besides, why now? Why must he go? He had lived for one thousand years... what difference would a hundred more make? What would be of him after this? Would he go for good or did he have some other task awaiting him?

The first game was over far too quickly. Sai played hand after hand in a quick succession, desperate to make the most out of his remaining time. Ogata felt that it would be impolite to not return the recklessness with one of his own. The game concluded in twenty minutes with Ogata's resignation. Sai urged Ogata to quickly clear the board so they could have a rematch, something that the Honinbo complied with without any objection.

By the time the fifth game rolled around, it was already 3 AM and Sai had mostly calmed down, accepting whatever awaited him with a heavy heart. Ogata noticed the resignation and as much as it broke his heart to see, he stopped himself from letting his emotion slip.

Sai wasn't a fool. He knew that Ogata was trying to be strong for him. So, by the end of their sixth game, he moved over towards Ogata and leaned on his shoulder, their fingers intertwining.

"That was the best game you have ever played, Seiji."

"You went easy on me." Ogata chuckled although it came out more like a choke. He won by 1.5 moku.

"In a game of Go, your opponent's mental fortitude is their own issue and you shouldn't undermine your victory just because they are not performing their best." Sai whispered as he melted into Ogata's embrace.

"One more game?"

For the first time, Sai shook his head. "No," He said softly, relaxing his shoulders as he felt Ogata's arms clenching around his stomach. "I think I would like to stay like this for a while longer."

As the comfortable silence stretched on, Sai could hear Ogata's sharp inhale, followed by a cough to cover the fact that he was on the verge of letting his emotion loose. Moments later, he could see himself fading away in green light with Ogata finally breaking down in tears.

Ah, perhaps another time. Another life.

 

* * *

 

Ogata awoke with a loud groan. He pressed his hand to his forehead before moving to massage his temple. The headache as a result of last night's drinking was killing him and he deserved it after how much alcohol he consumed. On his arm, a strangely familiar weight shifted and turned towards him, burying its warm skin into his chest. When his eyes finally went back in focus, he glanced at his side to see Hikaru snoring peacefully into him and Ogata sighed. It wasn't a dream. Whether it was something to be elated with or not remained to be seen. 

He wasn't sure how long he stayed in bed for, just listening to Hikaru's breathing and feeling his chest heaving up and down against his side. He could be blind and he'd still be able to tell that it was Hikaru next to him. It was something that he would never say out loud when he was sober but Ogata missed that sensation. There was something comforting about listening to the breathing of others and especially Hikaru's. His hand moved towards Hikaru's shoulder to grip it tightly, something that made the boy groan and open one of his eyes.

"Hey." Ogata muttered, not knowing what else there was to say.

"Hmm." The younger male mumbled, rubbing his eyes as he turned away from Ogata and pulled the blanket towards him.

Others might assume that Hikaru wanted to go back to sleep but Ogata knew better. He heaved forward until his chest was a mere centimetre away from Hikaru's back. Against his better judgement, Ogata's fingers moved to trace a line along Hikaru's arm in a feathery light touch that sent a shiver down Hikaru's spine.

"You stayed." He muttered, leaning in to bury his nose on the curve of Hikaru's neck, smelling sweat and alcohol radiating from his skin.

"No shit," The boy replied with a tinge of annoyance still clear on his voice. "You looked so pitiful." He continued as he reflexively tilted his head deeper into the pillow to allow Ogata more reign over his neck. When the older man took that chance to pull Hikaru closer and press their bodies together, he sighed. "You missed fucking me that much?"

Hearing the sharp tone of accusation, Ogata pulled away and propped himself up on his elbow. "You're annoyed at me." He said.

Hikaru scoffed as he threw a pillow right into Ogata's face, hard enough to make the man fall back to the bed. "Everything you say sounds so damn condescending. Of course, I'm annoyed. Wouldn't you be if someone who dumped you decided to shove his cock in your mouth and then have the audacity to ask you to stay?"

Ogata took the pillow from his face and opted to hug it instead as if it would soothe his throbbing headache. "I guess you have a fair point. Sorry."

Hikaru still seemed to be unimpressed as he moved to sit up with his arms crossed. "Well, don't you think you owe me some explanation?"

"Of course," Taking his glasses from the bedstand, he popped them on to see fingerprints all over the lenses. He glared at Hikaru as he cleaned it with his clothes. The other male just stuck his tongue out as if saying 'you deserve it'. What a childish way to take revenge on someone. At least Hikaru hadn't sprayed his glasses with oil but perhaps he shouldn't give him any ideas.

"It wasn't supposed to end up like this." He sighed, coming back to the topic at hand. "I don't know how it happened. Back then, I thought I'd wait for a couple more years until you are of a legal age before doing anything but..."

"But you couldn't keep your dick in your pants," Hikaru grumbled, still frustrated. Although he did have to admit that he would have found Ogata's romantic affection for him creepy those few years ago. He wasn't sure what changed his mind but Sai's disappearance might be the catalyst for it.

"Bluntly put, I suppose so," Ogata rolled his eyes as he looked at the lenses of his glasses to ensure their cleanliness before wearing them. "And Sai was there. He reminded me so much of you. Well, minus the brattiness."

Hikaru hit Ogata with another pillow in response. However, at least he got his answer and Hikaru felt ashamed for the relief that washed over him. So it was Sai that reminded Ogata of him and not the other way around. At least now Hikaru felt as if he wasn't there only as a replacement for Sai.

"We both knew it was not going to end well but we went for it anyway. I really should've spared both of us the grief." Ogata scratched the back of his neck remorsefully. "Seems like I'm still having trouble understanding that he's gone." The silence stretched on for a few short moments before Ogata turned to face Hikaru. "It's understandable if you don't want to stay."

Hikaru let out a loud sigh as he relaxed his shoulders. At the very least, Ogata seemed to be sincerely apologetic. "I'm not any better myself," He murmured, making Ogata blink. "I don't know if I'm only here for your dick or because I'm somewhat invested in you."

"So you're saying that we're just two very,  _very_ confused guys." The bespectacled male chuckled and Hikaru couldn't help dropping his stern expression to make way for an amused one. That was enough to melt the icy tension between the two. "So shall we call it a truce?"

Hikaru scoffed. "You want us to get back together again?"

Ogata reached out, extending his arms towards Hikaru to cup his cheek and felt a smile blooming on his lips when Hikaru pressed against his palm, eyes closed. "Only if you're looking for someone to be confused with."

"So, your inability to move on and my fluctuating teenage hormone? Seems like a match made in heaven if you ask me." Hikaru mocked but it didn't stop him from turning his head to take Ogata's index and middle finger into his mouth, sucking and licking just the way Ogata loved it.

"Is that a yes?" The bespectacled male asked as he eased Hikaru towards him by pulling by the collar slowly. The boy made no sign of resistance but Ogata got his answer when Hikaru sighed in contentment the moment their lips touched. As the kiss deepened and their hands moved to rid each other of their clothing articles, Ogata made a small noise of satisfaction. How he missed this. 

Hikaru was quick to climb onto Ogata and teasingly ground their hips together. The older man only watched as Hikaru finally took off his shirt and discarded it to the foot of the bed, exposing the slightly tanned flesh and toned abs. Ogata marvelled at the sight in a very indiscreet manner that Hikaru's cheeks turned into a bright shade of pink. 

"Stop staring." He scowled, to which he was awarded Ogata's feathery touch across his abs. 

"For someone who makes a living of a board game, this body needs to be worshipped." He smirked before taking advantage of Hikaru's hesitation to pin him on the bed. Ogata kissed him on the lips hungrily then moving to trail his tongue down to his neck, collarbones, around his nipples and down to his abs where he peppered it with kisses. 

Hikaru shivered and his cock throbbed with desire. The sensation was lost on him after a month and he was glad to be able to be reminded of it once more, how Ogata's lips were warm on his skin and even warmer around his erection. He didn't want to know just how much he practised to make his tongue so agile and knew where exactly to go.

Ogata greedily sucked on Hikaru as if he was the sweetest nectar and as he licked the head, he saw how Hikaru had his wrist on his mouth in a poor attempt to suppress his moan even though his body was all but quivering. It was true that absence did indeed, make the heart grow fonder. The man underneath him was no longer Sai, rocking his hips in desire. It was Hikaru with sun-kissed skin, faded bruises and masculine moans.

When Hikaru spilt his semen inside Ogata, he drunk it all up, licking his lips to finish off. It was bitter but it was a taste that Ogata was accustomed to. He then crawled towards Hikaru to take him in a deep kiss, one that Hikaru found to be extremely lewd as he could still taste his essence in Ogata's tongue. 

"Hmm," He sighed, nuzzling against Ogata's chest and saw how he was still stroking himself. "Need help with that?"

"I'm content just imagining you all tied up, blindfolded and gagged." Ogata chuckled, one hand stroking Hikaru's hair while the other working on his cock.

"You're a sick fuck." The younger on shook his head as he idly watched the show. He might still be unsure about the nature of his affection for Ogata but he was certain that it wasn't merely lust. Even when all the sexual aspects of them were to be taken away, he would still be more than happy to spend time with him. Ogata was the perfect company for him. Sassy, snarky and extremely infuriating at times but Hikaru had seen first hand just how loving he could be when he wanted to. He had only seen glimpses of his true kindness but Hikaru was keen to experience more of it. 

This time, it was Hikaru who took the initiative to capture Ogata's lips in a searing kiss, one that was full of passion yet adorned with sincerity, making Ogata hum into Hikaru, loving how his mouth felt so right on his, how it was warm and wet with saliva and how he smelt of coffee and cinnamon that was so addictive Ogata feared that he would never have enough.

When Ogata came to his own release, he instinctively bit his lower lip although it didn't stop the moans from escaping. 

"So how was I in your sick BDSM fantasy?" Hikaru murmured, listening to Ogata's quick heartbeat as the man worked to clean himself.

The bespectacled male let out a laugh that sounded more of a snicker. "Simply magnificent. Are you sure you don't want to try it?"

The boy scoffed but didn't refuse the proposal. There were still many chances in the future to discuss and explore their kinks but right now, Hikaru just wanted to go back to sleep to soothe himself from a terrible headache that he was certain Ogata was suffering from as well.

"I'll take that as a yes." Ogata practically purred into Hikaru's ear, which was responded with a hand shoving him away. 

"Shut up, you pervert." He responded, eyes rolling. It was a wonder how he managed to shift from a guilt-ridden Ogata into his usual self in a click of a finger.

He laughed before moving away from Hikaru to stand up and stretch his legs. The boy grunted at the loss of warmth but compensated for it by cocooning himself with the blanket. It was a sight that Ogata had always found irresistible and he silently wondered if Hikaru did it just so he could jump back into the bed. He remembered Sai having the exact same effect on him. Like student, like teacher.

He chuckled to himself. It still would take him a little more to completely allow the wound left by Sai to heal but at least this time, he wasn't trapped by the memories any longer. And if this decision to resume their relationship was made by Hikaru's teenage impulsiveness, Ogata was willing to take up the challenge to convince him to stay. Confused people should stay together, after all. Perhaps they would get over it together. 

Without looking back, Ogata said out loud. "Hm, time to make some Seiji's specialty Hangover Cure Breakfast Sandwich."

The response was immediate. Ogata might not be the best cook but he always made a killer hangover cure sandwich in all their meaty goodness. Definitely, one that he knew Hikaru would kill for. As he slowly and teasingly opened the door, he could hear Hikaru cursing as he fell to the floor but scrambled to get back up straight after. 

"I think I'll just make one portion today." Ogata feigned a sigh of resignation.

"I'm coming! I'm coming!" He yelled out before running after Ogata. 

With Hikaru still wrapped in the king-sized white blanket and dragging it across the floor, he pressed his arm against Ogata's. The gesture was replied with a tight embrace and a chuckle. 

"You're such a brat." Ogata shook his head. 

"And you're such a pervert." Hikaru replied, which was followed by a quick peck on the cheek that made him giggle.

Although it was a stretch, both Hikaru and Ogata were certain that in time, their festering wounds would completely heal and in the process perhaps discover the true nature of their relationship. Sai might be the one to bring them together but it seemed that he would definitely not be the end of their story. And although they had to let him go, both of them knew that he would remain with them as the sweetest memory that could never be forgotten. An everlasting memory.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Plot twist: This Time, Together is actually the "another time, another life" that Sai's referring to (Psst, Olympia, this might make you feel better *nudge nudge*)
> 
> I didn't draw the art especially for this fic (it was more for a personal indulgement) but I think it kinda reminds me of the ending...!
> 
> Anyways, this is the end of this series :) Thanks so much for your support in kudos and comments! I truly appreciate them~ and why do I love this problematic ship?? Honestly, it's excruciatingly hard for me to write Ogata and Hikaru in a committed romantic relationship because I think they will fight a lot... hahaha! Oh well... I did my best :)
> 
> Thanks again, all!


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